Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
