You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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