Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
