from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
