david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
