we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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