College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
