Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
