you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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