So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
