I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
