Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
