So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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