I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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