And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
