Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
