yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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