I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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