I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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