it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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