So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
