Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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