So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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