She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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