don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
