Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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