I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
