AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
