If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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