So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
