I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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