enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
