its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
