My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
