Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
