my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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