Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
