2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
