Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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