is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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