Who wears a wallet chain?!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
