You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
