its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
