Quick, to the slutcave!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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