No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
