u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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