I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
