I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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