there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
