my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
