I can feel you judging me through the phone.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
