I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My feet surprised me
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