hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
