I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Shame - the story of my life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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