i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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