brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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