can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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