Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I came so hard my ears popped.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
