That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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