I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
