i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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