Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
