They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
