So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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