All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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