My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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