I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
