Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
