just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
